Starting with the decision to be open to creating life. Fully knowing that the possibility is there for our actions to result in the production of a completely new human being is a monumentally powerful feeling. It makes the act all the more a bonding experience, completely filled with love and vulnerability. I can't possibly describe how all encompassing and amazing it feels. I'm not talking about purely the physical, but the feeling of truly being connected spiritually, mentally, and physically with your spouse in the event that could result in another human being's creation.
Then follows a couple weeks of mystery until there's a positive test. A little line on a stick indicating a new human. Terror, fear, excitement, happiness, anxiety, prayer prayer prayer. Nausea, excited, nausea, exhaustion, hunger, exhaustion, getting bigger. Heard a heartbeat!!! A baby is really there!! Getting bigger, nausea goes away, anxiety, is everything ok? Heartbeat. Getting bigger. Did I feel that?? There it is again! There's really a baby in there! Excited. Nervous. Excited. Hungry. Bigger, bigger, tired, bigger, baby moving all over. Really a baby, really a baby, really a person! A whole person has to come out! Nervous, anxious, ready, not ready, ready, not ready, too late...
Our birth experiences have been wonderful. The post partum experiences are something else.
When our children are born, the most remarkable thing that I notice are their eyes. They aren't dolls. Their eyes move! They really are a whole and complete person, able to move on their own. Fragile and dependent on us, but free to make their own decisions about being happy or sad. They are also really cute. We have some cute babies.
Having 4 babies in 6 years has definitely consumed most of our life. But they are so much fun!! They're smart and funny and so stinking cute!! Even when they're being bad, they're cute. It really helps, now, that we have some older kids with a newborn. When Maggie is fussy, I just tell her that very soon, she will be the cute little thing toddling around. I can get through the fussing to wait for the cute. But she is still super cute, even now.
Tony has helped me through some pretty tough situations. He has also supported me emotionally and spiritually when I needed him more than anything. He also supports me even when I don't realize I need it. He's not perfect and neither am I, but he's a really great husband.
Tonight's date? With 3 week old baby Maggie in tow, fuddruckers (with a coupon). Followed by a shopping trip to Target whereupon we both forgot some vital items like clothing for me (I seriously need some new non-maternity and nursing clothes) and a light bulb or replacement lamp for our bed (we're getting up in the dark and using the bathroom light for nursing the baby). That's how tired we are, folks. Completely forgetting the important stuff, but of course we got more candy for Easter.